There is a painting in our study of a Vietnamese man trudging through a padi field pulling two oxen. The trees behind have bright green leaves dotting the tips of their branches. Though I've been feeling like i've been dragging some oxen for the last two years, recently it has been beginning to feel as though spring and new biginnings may be coming to my life slowly.
Our youngest son Oliver has begun to walk and despite his tiny frame and our medical concerns for him, he seems to be happy. Our eldest son William loves his new school and has many friends. In addition there were some potential empolyers sniffing around me which I turned away as the timing is not right. All this feels like life is and will be ok.
I am finally getting this house straight even though we may have to move again in a couple of months. Hanoi is cooling down (relative to the summer heat) and the children and I are able to go outside in the afternoons. We have put a stop to the endless workers coming in and out, making mess and generally being a pain. I'm dreading the day we have to let them in again and they have to do all the things that need desperately doing to make the house safe. I think the only way we can do it is to go into a hotel for two or three nights and escape for a few hours a day from the chaos.
Next week Michael is away and I'm kind of planning a complete sort out of junk. It feels like a spring clean which can only signify new biginnings, right? I am the kind of person that likes to know exactly where everything is and that it is in its proper place. I love culling my life from time to time. Getting rid of things I haven't used for a while. Moving every three years helps with this process of course.
Tomorrow William has to wear the Vietnamese national dress to school to celebrate the mid-autumn moon festival. He looks too cute to imagine. Parents are allowed to attend assembly so I know I'll have a beaming smile on my face.
Meeting my 'dad' at the funeral may have helped to lighten my load. It is finally done. The dread and the not knowing is over. I'm not saying we now have a relationship. That will take time - a long time. I know I have made an important step.