I had a text from my mum to say her mother, my Oma, was pretty close to death. I got home, turned on Skype wrote to my online Aunt and found out she died ten minutes ago. I'm all alone with no one to talk to. The children are having their dinner downstairs with Tan.
I feel totally numb. We had been expecting this, on and off for years. I saw her last almost exactly three years to the day. I took newborn William all the way to Holland to her nursing home to introduce them. She never met Oliver. She didnt know who I was then but mum tells me she did enjoy holding William. She was so weak even then that his weight at two or three weeks was too much for her.
My whole spread out around the globe family will now try and make their way to their village outside Rotterdam. I want to try to go. Dont know if it is possible in the timeframe before the funeral to get there from Vietnam.
Her life was really similar to mine in some ways. She lived in Ecuador as an expat for most of her chilren's youth. She must have had similar experiences and feelings that I have as a mother away from home. She was a pretty strong woman though, where I wouldnt say that is the first thing people would remember about me. She wasnt someone who wore her emotions on her sleeve. She wasnt a cuddly grandmother. Partly because we only really saw her a week or so a year. Partly as it wasnt really her nature.
Nevertheless, I feel a loss. I feel sad for my mum. I feel dreadfully guilty that I am considering travelling the big trip there after her death but not in her life.